where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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