just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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