so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
