Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
