i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
