Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
