I puked a lego.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
