So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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