I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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