Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
