then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
