i need an iv and a liver transplant
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sober January is a disaster.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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