he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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