I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
