so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
