It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
