Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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