Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
