Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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