"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
