My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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