I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
