she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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