Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
