At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
