did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
