whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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