Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
