We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
