he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
