And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Randomize
