You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
