So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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