Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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