U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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