OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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