dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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