just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
