using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
