I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
