am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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