Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
