she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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