i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
