My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
