I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
