The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
