Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
