i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
