??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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